Why is love so difficult? Isn't it supposed to be sweet and carefree? As long as you know that the person you love does love you back, everything will be fine? But it seems like that isn't the case. Love is torturing... We broke up on the 1st of April which was quite a joke, to be honest. And we got back together on the 10th. Those 10 days were horrible to me. I missed him dearly. It was hard to let go or even forget him. But with such a short amount of time, it was evident that I couldn't move on. Even though we patched back, he said he needed time to find his feelings back for me. So yes, I gave him time. About a week later, on the 17th, he finally sort out his feelings. We were officially back together. It was nice. I was impatient at times, even knowing that he's busy in school, I was just impatient. One of the bad traits of a Leo huh?

Now, I am having this issue. I'm feeling very insecure. Getting back together after a break up will definitely make you feel insecure about where your current relationship is going. You don't know what might happen in future, what mistakes you might do or even worry about what your partner is going to feel about you. Will his feelings towards me fade again? Or will it become even stronger? Nobody knows. Except himself. Or even he himself doesn't even know...

Heartaches... Why do we have to experience heartaches? It's just so bad. You can't concentrate on anything. You just become so helpless, not knowing where to go... Not knowing what you are going to do. And then there you are, having suicide thoughts. You know that the sadness and gloom feelings that you have aren't going anywhere soon. You wish to be positive but in your heart, you are just sad. What an empty heart... a heart that can't be fixed anymore. A hole that is in there permanently. Being a human sucks. Being a human girl sucks even more. You can't be cold hearted even if you wish you could.

Why am I just so weak? Weak... Why can't I be strong? I can't rant to anybody without them judging me. Everyone is telling me to let go... to move on... to find a better guy. But... I just want him. I know I'm stubborn. But what can I do? It's difficult to get out of the hole that you have fallen in so deeply. There you are, in the bottomless pit, not knowing how to escape. You are just stuck there. You can't go anywhere. You heart and your soul are just there. You can't fly... can't escape.

Who is going to save me?

Okay, there are two issues that I want to talk about. I just find them hilariously stupid.

1) Just so you know, I earned my distinctions through my own hard work. I actually studied. So you think that just by bootlicking the teachers, it can earn you a distinction? Woah if that's the case, I don't need to study already since I can get distinctions just by bootlicking the teachers. This is really stupid. Not only have you insulted me, you have also insulted the teachers. I can't stand jealous people.

Listen. If your answers are correct, you get high marks. If your answers are wrong, you get low marks. It's just as simple as that. Everything depends on your own abilities. If you want to say anything bad about me, please use a better reason. Gosh, you are such an empty vessel. Please go and reflect on yourself.
 
2) What a useless teacher and a bunch of two-faced horrible people. Of course you are trying to defend him and stuff. But if you know how badly and unfairly we are treated, you will then know how we feel. I have this feeling that you are trying to sabotage my project and ruin my grades. But do you know what? Even if that useless "teacher" doesn't want to help us, we will help ourselves. Since the project only counts for 40%, I have confidence to score well for my theory paper. I'll just pray that his contract ends fast. What a useless piece of shit.

I have never gotten angry at a teacher before in my entire life. NEVER. My purpose of coming to ITE is to study hard to get a high GPA so that I can enrol into a Polytechnic after I graduate. But here you are, trying to ruin my GPA. I don't want to make enemies. I don't like conflicts. I don't want troubles. But YOU forced me to become like this. In the past, I was neutral towards you. But nowadays, you are getting from bad to worst. Being a teacher, you have never showed any good examples to your students. Do you think what you have been doing is right?


And also, I was told a lot of things yesterday that made me realised how scary humans are. You can't trust anyone. Even if they seem nice in front of you, you don't know what they are talking about behind your back and what they are actually thinking. Given your age, I thought you would be matured and know what is wrong and right. But no, you are just like him. Gosh I really dislike two-faced people.

Wow, how long has it been since I last came to this dead space of mine? Major exams are coming in a week's time and it is freaking me out. I have to memorise all 3 books by this week.

One week of torture then freedom for a month. It sounds good.

Due to my laziness, it has been quite some time since I last blogged. Exams are finally over and I'm having my holidays now. Because there are so many projects and reports to be done, I wouldn't say that I'm enjoying my holidays. I'm trying to finish them up as soon as possible so that I can party afterwards. I don't really like last minute work as it stresses me out a lot.

I've already started on my WFB report. For the umpteen times, I want to thank Jian Hong again for providing me with ideas and answers. He thinks really fast and how I wish I could be like him. I guess I've got to learn how to embrace my other traits. 

T.Party

On last Friday, my friends and I went to Tampines ITE for T.Party. It was like a mini club and boy, was it hot! I wanted to dance so badly but I couldn't because I was in heels. Everyone looked like wild party animals and it was really a fun night. We then headed to Jalan Kayu for supper with like 10 people. Wei Ling went back home with me and she slept in my house that night.

Movie and lunch

Yesterday, I met up with my BFFs for movie and pepper lunch. We caught New Year's Eve, the movie was not bad. Actually, I was admiring NYC's skyline the whole time because it's absolutely breathtaking.

Lost a friend

There's another matter I want to talk about. Have you ever lost a friend before? What does it feel like to lose a friend? It wasn't my fault to begin with. Since it's just a case of misunderstanding, you would think that everything will be fine again, don't you? But the problem here is that he/she doesn't want to make things better because of stubbornness. It's sad and really stupid at the same time. It's hard to believe at first. It's hard to believe that the friend you just lost was talking to you in person the day before. I don't want to care anymore. I think I'll get over it with lots of time passing.

Simin and I caught The Adventures of Tin Tin yesterday. It was a good movie. Well, of course it has to be good because it's directed by Steven Spielberg!

After the movie, we chilled at AMK hub's Coffee Bean. We ordered one shot of espresso and one piece of tiramisu. The espresso was so bitter. I never had coffee before so that was actually my first time drinking it. The most ironic thing is that I did a report on Starbucks for my BZE CA1 when I was still a coffee virgin. I even got an A for that!

I went out to catch the In Time with my BFFs at the Cathay yesterday. The movie was so awesome, I really liked it a lot. I brought my laptop out with me so I expected us to take a lot of photos and we really did. My hands tend to tremble when I use an iPhone to take photos, so laptop it shall be.

Well, I finally kicked my laziness and uploaded a total of 6 photo albums on Facebook after I got home.

This is my new aviator sunglasses that I bought it from 77 street at Junction 8. The main reason why I bought it is because it actually stays on my nose. Of all the sunglasses that I have worn, this is actually the first one that won't slide down from my nose. Come to think of it, it's quite sad.

Yay, tests are finally over! No more of studying 'til late nights and having only 5 hours of sleep everyday. What's even better is that there's no school tomorrow and on Monday!

I had only 1 hour and 45 mins of school today so there's nothing much that I can talk about. All right, I need to mention this. I saw Mr. Sam's wife, Bibi, sitting at the foyer in school today. I shouted her name from above and she seemed happy to see me. There was a jazz performance going on at the foyer and I just got to know from her that the jazz singer is her sister, so I think she was there to support her.

Why am I thinking about the times we had in Sumatra again?