Thursday, 25 April 2013

Why is love so difficult? Isn't it supposed to be sweet and carefree? As long as you know that the person you love does love you back, everything will be fine? But it seems like that isn't the case. Love is torturing... We broke up on the 1st of April which was quite a joke, to be honest. And we got back together on the 10th. Those 10 days were horrible to me. I missed him dearly. It was hard to let go or even forget him. But with such a short amount of time, it was evident that I couldn't move on. Even though we patched back, he said he needed time to find his feelings back for me. So yes, I gave him time. About a week later, on the 17th, he finally sort out his feelings. We were officially back together. It was nice. I was impatient at times, even knowing that he's busy in school, I was just impatient. One of the bad traits of a Leo huh?

Now, I am having this issue. I'm feeling very insecure. Getting back together after a break up will definitely make you feel insecure about where your current relationship is going. You don't know what might happen in future, what mistakes you might do or even worry about what your partner is going to feel about you. Will his feelings towards me fade again? Or will it become even stronger? Nobody knows. Except himself. Or even he himself doesn't even know...

Heartaches... Why do we have to experience heartaches? It's just so bad. You can't concentrate on anything. You just become so helpless, not knowing where to go... Not knowing what you are going to do. And then there you are, having suicide thoughts. You know that the sadness and gloom feelings that you have aren't going anywhere soon. You wish to be positive but in your heart, you are just sad. What an empty heart... a heart that can't be fixed anymore. A hole that is in there permanently. Being a human sucks. Being a human girl sucks even more. You can't be cold hearted even if you wish you could.

Why am I just so weak? Weak... Why can't I be strong? I can't rant to anybody without them judging me. Everyone is telling me to let go... to move on... to find a better guy. But... I just want him. I know I'm stubborn. But what can I do? It's difficult to get out of the hole that you have fallen in so deeply. There you are, in the bottomless pit, not knowing how to escape. You are just stuck there. You can't go anywhere. You heart and your soul are just there. You can't fly... can't escape.

Who is going to save me?

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